Blame it on Bad luck

daydreamsandnicotine asked: YOU SHOULD COME TO IOWA CITY RIGHT MEOW. then we could drink hot cocoa and play mario brothers and stuffs cuz I'm lonely and I need my best friend mkay

well how about tomorrow lol and we will have a great time and you no be lonely no mores :)

I honestly feel like giving up i am to the point that i have little to no motivation

its hard to get up in the morning when you know no one is there to get you up

no one is there to tell you that you are doing the right thing

the only thing i get is emails telling me what i should have done

things that i didnt even know about so how could i

i just dont understand how people can be so rude without asking why things are the way they are like everything was so simple 

its not like the road is paved for me like some people

i dont know who to ask for help

i dont have this information handed to me on a silver platter

i dont have college paid for

i dont have my parents money to spend

i dont have any motivation to keep striving for this goal when the people who i need help from put me down

when the people that you thought were supposed to help you grow are only making it harder to even concentrate on the simple things

and now i am to the point i am closing off

staying in my room as much as possible i just dont want to leave

i feel safe here

i feel like it is mine

its the only thing i have left

i have nothing but my computer my xbox and pop

i wish i could just quit school

i wish i could follow my dreams

i wish i could use my creativity for something other than just thoughts

i want to make something to get these things out of my head

i just want to be succesful

to make my parents proud but more importantly myself

i want to make my self happy

i just want to be happy…….

well i had never thought that right about the time i start getting things worked out i would have a professor and my advisor treat me like i had done nothing to get ahold of her you would have thought that after 3 messages with my phone number attached and asking her to get a hold of me so i could figure out when we could me she would treat me like i was the one to blame and at the same time the professor that i was trying to get into his class basically told me that i should have just showed up to a class that i wasnt even in yet so he could just add me well that would have been nice to know if you could have just told me in the first place thanks

o and to you two who treat me like i am a nothing i am going to fucking show you just wait till i am in your position i am going to enjoy making students feel like they can accomplish something instead of being a condescending bitch about it and i may just actually help a student or two you know of the male sort that decide they want to follow their dreams art isn’t a female only profession and its not just for guys who have more estrogen than their wives so how about we grow up and instead of trying to make students feel like they are worthless put forth a little effort to ask about their situation before you just assume things k thanks

its seems like the world is against me right now i have a thousand dollar bill for the college and my parents are getting notices for payment on the loan they helped me take out and on top of all of this i still have to get into classes and contact the one person that can help keep my financial aid

all of this with no one to turn to no one to get advice from and most of all no friends around that i can talk to about it i mean sure there are people on campus i could go to but i am just shutting off the world trying my best to remove myself from the problems i am having and telling everyone that everything is ok and its not i am crumbling and i don’t have any motivation i know i could screw up my entire future but for some reason i don’t feel bad i just feel numb to it all

i just wish i knew how to motivate myself to get out of this rut i just don’t know if im moving in the right direction any more i mean its tough to try so hard and get no where and thats what it feels like right now

the worst thing of all of this is that i cant sleep my mind is going a mile a minute with all of these creative ideas and no outlet no way to express myself no money no tools no form for it all to take its like i have a world stuck in here and i cant let it out i cant sleep with it stuck in here cant concentrate i just wish i could take a semester off and do the things i wanted

i never tell anyone cus they would call me stupid for having these ideas but i almost want to be a designer a product designer i have so many things in my head that i just dont have the things to make i have all of these computer ideas furniture ideas you name it i have thought of something and i wish i could make them all or even one to bide my time clear my head and just live life like i want

i just want to be left alone by outsiders and encouraged by my friends and family and all the ones that matter to me but all i get is weird stares and called names and insulted for my intended profession how do you deal with that with the fact that the people that are supposed to believe in you think your profession is laughable

i just hope someone reads this and can relate even a little bit even through all my lack of punctuation and no capitals thats not too much to ask is it